We often offer personal revelations with caution, hoping for acceptance. Nothing prevents a person from revealing too much more than fear of criticism. In my own life, I had over time, come to accept who I was with regard to submission and became willing to risk negative reaction with most people. But family is different. You can always drop a disapproving friend….if they haven’t dropped you first, but that is not the case with family, especially a parent.
About a year or so prior to succumbing to cancer, my mother felt the need to tell me about things from her past she had never mentioned. She was in the process of getting radiation treatments and I think she just wanted to share things hitherto unshared. I suppose it fell under the “it’s now or never” way of thinking. As we drove back to her house together, she told me very personal stories from her childhood and I was surprised she had never thought to share them before. As I was listening to her, my mind raced to my own unrevealed secret. Since she was the one person I had always wanted to 'come out’ to, I waited for her to finish her stories and asked if I could now tell her something I never told her before. Naturally she agreed.
I went on to gently, vaguely, and somewhat euphemistically explain my D/s lifestyle. Despite my tentative approach, she got the gist and acted very supportive. We discussed my childhood and even why I might be this way. Her opinion was that it was not due to any actual experience but an offshoot of my overall darker interests, one more part of my quirky personality. She even said that now knowing this aspect, she could fit previously confusing pieces of my ‘life puzzle’ together very neatly. Things about me that had confused her before, now all made sense. It was amazing.
About a month later, she and I had another talk......this time over the phone. Distanced by the phone and somewhat emboldened by her earlier support, I intended to explain much more specifically how Rosa and I live. However, in my head I had mentally anticipated the possible concerns she might have and rehearsed my answers to these potential objections. When I had first broached this topic in the car, I did discuss it within a more adult, sexual play context, mainly because that was the easiest way to introduce my quirky, kinky inclinations. What I was about to reveal now was a bit different.
We talked for well over an hour. While the first discussion touched on vague aspects of power dynamics and dominant /submissive roles in kinky-type relationships, this conversation clearly explained that we lived in a permanent arrangement of roles where Rosa was the "boss". She had rules I had to follow and expectations of proper behavior. Any lapses could result in a punishment....... most commonly a spanking. But I emphasized that these weren’t play spankings. I wasn’t coming out like this just to inform her that Rosa and I were an adventurous couple who liked to toss in some kinky role-play now and then. I wanted her to understand what our DD/FLR really meant and how this wasn’t about occasionally dressing up and pretending to be some ‘mommy’ or ‘teacher’ with a ‘misbehaving boy’ to deal with in some sexy, lighthearted way.
So I explained that while we both enjoyed living this way, the rules were primarily practical and the punishments were serious discipline sessions designed to improve behavior. Put simply: if I was bad, impatient, snippy, or disobedient, I got spanked like a naughty child......lovingly but firmly, so as to learn a lesson. She said she understood. But her acceptance of what I thought would be a pretty startling fact was so immediate and casual that I thought that maybe she didn’t truly understand and was just saying so to be supportive. Since I have a tendency for euphemism when discussing things that embarrass me, I repeated it all again, now deciding to be even more blunt.
I explained that we both took Rosa’s authority very seriously and if she felt I deserved to be punished, she’d order me over her lap and spank my bare bottom with a hard paddle until she was satisfied I had learned my lesson. If ordered ‘to the room’ my “prior consent” to this arrangement prevented me from refusing. Rosa therefore, not only expected my day-to-day obedience but my cooperation in the event of needed discipline…… even if it was the last thing in the world I wanted at the time. I assured my mother, that every spanking from Rosa left my bottom truly sore. She again said she understood and added that she was not worried about my safety, since she trusted Rosa and also knew I was quite capable of extricating myself from a truly dangerous situation if necessary.......but, short of that, she fully understood that to be taken seriously, Rosa's spankings would naturally need to be serious and unpleasant. Having used spanking as punishment herself, this just made sense.
We then went on to discuss Rosa herself, the potential risks of abuse of power, and things like that. My mother praised Rosa at every turn, assuring me that I had nothing to worry about with her since she so obviously cared about me. We talked about my prior marriage and how she thought Rosa was better for me than my ex. I mentioned that, ironically, even though my mother thought my ex to be somewhat cruel, that Rosa was far more strict, punished a lot more often, and spanked much harder than my ex ever did. But she just emphatically cited that as proof of her genuine love. She also said that given Rosa’s past, and all that she’s been through and accomplished, that she has proven herself worthy of being in charge. She saw Rosa’s strictness with her own kids to be borne of the utmost concern that they be the best people they can be, and given what I explained about our relationship, it was obvious she was doing the same with me, only instead of grounding me, she used spankings as punishment. It was very clear that my mother truly respected Rosa’s strength of character.
Eventually, as the conversation wound down, I confessed that as the submissive partner, I sometimes struggled with my role and was occasionally embarrassed by it. I think I said something like: "I know this is who I am and what I want, and I'm probably 90% fine with it, but sometimes it's difficult to accept being in such a vulnerable and often embarrassing position."
She instantly replied in an abrupt but encouraging tone, that I should be 100% and not hesitate to embrace my role fully without guilt or embarrassment. She did admit that she could understand how it would be more embarrassing to admit to being the one who gets spanked rather than being the one who does the spanking, but that it was all a matter of who belonged in which position. Her opinion was that Rosa, despite being 17 years younger than me, clearly deserved to be the one in authority characterizing her as loving, fair, and very responsible. THIS WAS MY OWN MOTHER! She added that it made perfect sense for me to be embarrassed by a spanking for misbehavior, but that it was all part of the punishment.
After a while I had this odd feeling of confusion. When I had started the conversation, I was prepared for all of the possible concerns and objections my mother might raise. However, when she not only voiced no sympathy over my situation but instead kept insisting that it seemed both practical and appropriate, I felt a little embarrassed. It was as if my mother had taken what she knew of Rosa and me, and found our unusual lifestyle to be a perfect fit. I thought she might feel funny learning that her darling Rosa, that she loved so much, was spanking her son...for real.....but nope. Dear old Ma, 76 and conservatively vanilla, was fine with it and thought that while not typical, it was a great way to resolve issues, giving Rosa an outlet for her frustrations, and me a practical lesson in behaving.
She told me that Rosa was a loving person and the best thing for me. She said that knowing her as she does, she could see how Rosa would be good at keeping me in line fairly though not meanly. I replied that Rosa was very fair and her rules were mostly about maintaining order in our home. My mother said that was exactly what she would have suspected since she saw Rosa as only wanting the best for us all. Consequently, if this was the method we both wanted and needed in our lives, then I should just trust Rosa to lead and listen to her....... and if misbehavior meant submitting to a good hard spanking now and again to learn to behave, well, if that's what it took, I should just accept it and be happy I had someone like Rosa to do what was needed.
The last thing we discussed was very surprising, especially since she brought it up. Since it involves people whose privacy I respect, I will not mention the specifics here. However, in the course of this discussion, it was clearly implied, by way of comparison, that she genuinely appreciated Rosa’s influence in her family and was grateful to her for keeping me in line. While I found this to be very sweet, it did make me think: “wow, I tell my mother I’m being spanked for misbehavior, and instead of sympathy or outrage, she’s thinking, ‘thank goodness!’”
Naturally when I told Rosa about the conversation she was beaming a Cheshire cat grin, though she did not seem as surprised by my mother’s acceptance of the arrangement as I was. She said that my mother possessed a very confident authority and obviously understood the benefits of obedience and discipline. Being a strong woman herself, she admired that trait in others, and obviously since she raised me, obviously saw the benefits of our lifestyle, even if it seemed initially atypical. But since she herself resorted to a dishing out a few good spankings when I deserved them, perhaps she did not even see the continuation of that practice to be so unusual. Maybe she thought that if they worked then, why not now? So now, even well after Mom’s passing, we sometimes tease each other about Rosa's methods having my own mother's endorsement.